upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
