And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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