so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
