Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
