My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
