Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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