Screwed.edu
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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