he wants to bone in the snuggie
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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