So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
