Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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