don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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