Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
