mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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