Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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