Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
