The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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