What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
