dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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