i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
