New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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