shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
