Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
