There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Did I show you my penis last night?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
