hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
