apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
