My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
