we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Someone came in the potted fern
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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