I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
