dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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