Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
