i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
