I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
