its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
