Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
People in love make me want to vomit
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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