Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
