The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
