I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
