he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
