Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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