Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
