I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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