Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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