i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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