My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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