Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
