I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
