I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
