About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
