My liver just broke up with me...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
