Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
