gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
