Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
