i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
