Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
