We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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